meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
