he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
