I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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