She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
