i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
