don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
