Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
