I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
