Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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