he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
