How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
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Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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