please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He has the fingertips of a God
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
