Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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