STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
