READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is my gift to your gina
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
