I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
