I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i barfeds in our rink
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting