I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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