Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin

  (509): View more from Washington

  and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"

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  (509): you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin (509): and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD" http://tfl.nu/lw4q
  Replies (37) Good night (3762) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Sorry I couldn't get my dick out

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  (310): Sorry I couldn't get my dick out http://tfl.nu/ywcl
  Replies (22) Good night (957) Bad night (6433)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

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  (845): Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents. http://tfl.nu/6leg
  Replies (33) Good night (11002) Bad night (1226)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs

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  (250): Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs http://tfl.nu/msvp
  Replies (10) Good night (1108) Bad night (3568)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer

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  (917): im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer http://tfl.nu/s04i
  Replies (8) Good night (3104) Bad night (1139)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.

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  (256): I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you. http://tfl.nu/8mod
  Replies (12) Good night (3769) Bad night (1155)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night

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  (952): I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night http://tfl.nu/yysc
  Replies (3) Good night (2578) Bad night (1025)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.

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  (563): I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer. http://tfl.nu/sbgi
  Replies (3) Good night (2461) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP

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  (304): ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP http://tfl.nu/bbs8
  Replies (6) Good night (2133) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.

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  (316): I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/j3xl
  Replies (6) Good night (929) Bad night (1309)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.

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  (610): So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house. http://tfl.nu/bt1m
  Replies (16) Good night (1581) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.

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  (812): I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle. http://tfl.nu/j0rx
  Replies (1) Good night (760) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.

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  (+44): I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal. http://tfl.nu/i10i
  Replies (8) Good night (1274) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it

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  (714): I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it http://tfl.nu/cek3
  Replies (3) Good night (548) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?

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  (631): Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert? http://tfl.nu/xdif
  Replies (7) Good night (557) Bad night (350)

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