I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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