yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
