did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
