i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
send nudes
from the living room?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
