I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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