idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
