i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
