No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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