I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
