hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
