i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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