Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm passing your future prison.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
