dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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