just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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