it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
