Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
