I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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