Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
