We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
