The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize