i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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