So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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