I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
