so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Randomize
