i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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