I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
