my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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