my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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