if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
