don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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