Plan B is the new Plan A
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
