I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Congratulations! We have a period
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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