my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
