nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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