i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
