She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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