K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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