when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
