aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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