i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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