So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
