i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
