The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just pynch a tree in the face
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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