My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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