He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
