You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So much Jack, so little girl.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
