She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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