we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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