Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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