my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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