I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
