ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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