Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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