My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
