You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
