Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
