I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I want to be your penis for a week.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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