she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
