I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
