He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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