if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
