He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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