True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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